Last year, “Be still and know that I am God” from Psalm 46:10 came up to me over and over on a retreat. Because I heard God telling me “Be still” over and over, I knew it was important. I even went on Etsy and had a ring made that I wear most days to remind myself of God’s message to me.
For me, “Be still” had layered meanings. This year, I have had to take the Myers Briggs personality test and figure out what Enneagram type I was. I responded strongly to everything I read about Type Ones, and as I have reflected more on that this year, I’m learning more and more about why God wants me to “Be still”.
Every time I read about Martha and Mary, I connect with Martha and get defensive for her in the story about her, Jesus, and Mary, as I understand deeply her desire to have everything done and in order. I also realize that I am like her and that I need to stop doing and be like Mary. Trying simultaneously to be both Martha and Mary at different times in my life is how I balance and respond to my call to be a contemplative in action.
I have realized that as a Type One, I need to pause and be more like Mary. When Type Ones are in a healthy place, they lean into the strengths of a Type 6, and for me this encompasses more relaxation, leisure, and play, and when I’m doing those activities, I need to constantly remind myself to NOT feel guilty about it. God wants me to relax, enjoy his world, and play.
“Be still” can be about letting my body rest and “be still” literally, but I think it also means letting my mind “be still” enough to notice God’s work in this world. It means looking up at the clouds like I used to do on car rides when I was little. I would study the shapes and pretend they were different objects or animals. It means leaving my phone behind, whether it is in a different room or in the house so my my can take a break from the noise. It means letting myself sleep in, reading books, and watching my husband and kids play in the ocean and not feeling guilty about just watching. It means walking without ear buds in my ears so I can listen to the world around me. It means stopping and making time to pray and be with God every day and reminding myself that prayer can mean that I am just “being” with God and that I don’t need a journal or Church or prayer book to be in prayer.
On our recent family vacation to North Carolina, I went out for a walk by myself along the water. No one wanted to go, and that was fine; it meant I could walk and notice. I missed the silence from my silent retreat a few weeks before, and this walk was a chance for me to get it.
The weather in North Carolina had been pretty active, and I immediately noticed the puffy clouds. It reminded me of some animal on its back with all of its legs up in the air. I have two Australian shepherds who often roll over on their backs holding a toy in a joyful solo play, and I was trying to figure out what the animal may be holding in its paws in the clouds.
I walked, grateful for the empty beach, just watching the varieties of birds walk on the sand or fly over me and letting my eyes grab sea glass when the sun flickered on it. I felt the soft sand below my feet and noticed how if I walked just inland from where the waves were hitting, I had a perfect consistency for walking barefoot. I looked at the lovely colors of the homes, wondering about each owner, the guests visiting, and how lucky I was to be in this heavenly place where I could enjoy nature, be mindful of the power of God’s creation, and make memories with my family. I watched the colors of the ocean, the white spray, the shades of turquoise, grateful for the blue of the sky and smell of the ocean.
On my walk back, my husband was walking toward me, not wanting me to be alone for my entire walk. Another sign of God’s love for me, helping to keep me grounded and reminding me of how loved I am in this big, beautiful world.
Being still means I get to notice. I can quiet my brain, my ears, my heart, my soul and notice what God is pulling me towards. What memories are brought forth. What dreams are born. Where God wants me to be and what God wants me to be doing, while constantly reminding this Type One perfectionistic doer that it is OK to just be, that God doesn’t want me to feel guilty about it, and that I am where I should be doing what I should be doing at this moment in my life.