One of the most significant changes in me from my five-day silent retreat is the new awareness I have about my use of technology and its affect on my brain and body.
While I know I should have just turned my phone off completely, I didn’t do that. I think when the kids are older I may be able to do that, but I’m not in that stage of my life again yet.
Even though I didn’t shut the noise out completely, I didn’t carry my phone on me, and my time on it was very limited, and just that little five-day detox was enough to change how my brain “brains”—if that makes sense. I could feel the hold it had on me dissipating, and I felt better. Getting rid of the digital noise — even if it was just for a little bit allowed me to heal and regulate my nervous system.
Instead of sitting and watching my screen, I spent time watching nature — the sunset’s pastel colors, the Potomac river lapping toward my feet and my childhood friends, the lighting bugs, flying about. I spent time thinking about my life, talking to God and trying to read what God is calling me to do in this stage of my life. And honestly, the strong from the noise and the outside world was strong; I didn’t start “settling in” until day three. That was when I was able to sit on a bench and just watch the sunset.
I am so grateful that the hold that my phone had on me was broken a bit. I have been home just two days, but I don’t carry it with me (so sorry if you are trying to reach me — I’ll get back to you when I get back to you), and I am trying to be very intentional about when I use it and what I’m using it for. I realized that I’d open my app to read a notification and then I’d open another app and another app and 15 or 30 minutes would fly by like that.
Without my phone distracting me, I had 15 minutes to lift weights, 40 minutes to walk, 15 minutes to journal, 15 minutes to just sit and center myself. I was more present to my kids in the last two days, and I can tell I have been less annoyed with my family, in general. Technology just sucks so much time out of our days. It changes how we feel and how we think. If it’s not purposeful, we should not be using it. That’s my rule in my classroom, so I need to work on making that the rule in my life and in my home, too.
I drove my way through Southern Maryland’s Amish country, and I pondered what life is like without technology at all. Would we feel better operating without technology completely? I know the Amish have their own issues with mental health, but after five days of limiting my use of it, I slept better. I felt better. I had more time.
We are in a culture that is constantly consuming noise, thinking it makes us better, but it doesn’t always do that. Instead of listening to music or a podcast, just let it be quiet in the car. Let yourself have more silence. I did this on Sunday and Monday, the days after the retreat. I even had the kids with me, and they didn’t say a word. I realized they need the silence sometimes, too.
My 14-year-old daughter just received her phone in April. She was one of the last in her class to get a phone. We were torn; I hated that she felt disconnected from her classmates because she did not have one, but I also saw that she avoided a lot of middle school drama for years because she did not have it. I am so happy we waited, and she received one so we could start teaching her appropriate boundaries before she needed it for safety and transportation since she’s going to a school in D.C.
She has ADHD, and I really worried about an addiction forming. We have her phone locked down pretty well, but I told my husband when I came home I want to have some no phone zones in our house. I want the dinner table to be a no phone zone. Really, I’d like us all to leave our phones by our tech docking station in the kitchen, but I know that we have to model it. My husband has to have his phone on him for work, so it’s hard for him to leave it outside of his pocket, but even he admitted that he should just look at the notification and nothing more. We made a pact that we are going to keep working on it. We know how much technology negatively affects our time at home.
I want our patio outside to be a no phone zone. I want our couch in our family room to be a no phone zone. I want those to be places to be about making family memories, not interacting with technology or a screen.
I’m not suggesting we get rid of technology completely; I even use mine for my prayer (I love the Give Us Our Day app for daily readings and Pray as You Go by the Irish Jesuits), but I know that I have to watch my use of it. It can be an addiction. It can keep me from noticing what is happening in my world. I realized on retreat how much I missed. I didn’t see how prevalent the fireflies I used to catch as a kid really were. I ended the day lamenting how I did not have the time to workout. I missed the time to read for fun.
So my challenge is this: in your prayer time today, pray about your use of technology. Be honest with yourself. How much do you use it? When do you use it? Where do you use it? What is keeping you from that could help you feel better? How does it keep you from entering into relationships with others? How does it keep you from entering in prayer with God? What boundaries do you need to set for yourself? What boundaries do you need to set for your family so you can be more intentional about your time together and let God into your lives?