Releasing myself from the technology addiction in 2025
On December 31, I started making a small change, and I can already feel the withdrawal symptoms. I moved my phone away from my reach in bed. It now lives on its charger on the far side of my nightstand.
No more picking it up to scroll for a few minutes before bed since now I would have to get out of bed to put it away. No more logging in to see if people liked my latest photo on Instagram or Facebook. No more checking to see if someone sent me a message. No more seeing constant news alerts from the world.
It is out of reach, and I have to physically get out of bed to intentionally grab it. I’ll tell you, it’s hard. That first night, I wanted to see if anyone texted, to make sure there were no (more) terrorist attacks, and to make sure that I hadn’t missed anything in the world. But I didn’t let myself give in.
Sensing this feeling of withdrawal and feeling my discomfort bubble up inside me lets me know what an addict I have become since my first iPhone in 2008. The last 16 years have changed how I spend my time and, more importantly, how I think. As someone who has a degree in instruction technology and wrote my final graduate school paper about how technology distracts students from knowing how to do true reflection, I am trying constantly to cut back on my technology use, and I try to encourage my family to do the same. I even made a charging station for our devices in my kitchen so I can both keep track of where the house’s devices are as well as keep them away from the table during dinner.
However, I am not using my charging station the way I intended. When I made it, I imagined that my husband and I would come in, drop our phone just like I drop my purse, and we’d unplug after work. The phones were supposed to live in the docking station. Does that happen? For me, occasionally. I’m very aware of my need to carry my phone with me at all times, and I keep trying to distance myself from it more, so I know that I need to use my docking station more in an effort to unplug. I need to be a role model and distance myself from my addiction so my kids and my husband can see it and maybe do likewise in their lives.
I know that I can accomplish so much more and have so much more time for myself when I put the devices away. Technology can be dangerous to us and can impact how we think of ourselves in our world. That’s part of why my 13-year-old does not have a phone yet; she is one of two kids in her class without a phone. She does have a watch that she can take to soccer practice or play practice if she needs to tell us that she got out early or if they are staying late. The only people she can contact are my husband, her uncle and aunt who live locally, our babysitter, and me. We can text her, too, but it’s so challenging to text that she doesn’t like to use it.
People are so impressed that our 13-year-old doesn’t have a phone. At a recent Christmas concert, the parent of one of her classmates told me just that. After school one day, she had told her son to text my daughter because they had a question; I can’t remember if it was about a homework assignment or something related to the concert. Her son told her that he couldn’t text my daughter; she didn’t have a phone. His mom was floored.
The same surprise popped up again this week when my husband had lunch this week with an old colleague with an 11-year-old girl. She couldn’t believe our 13-year-old daughter didn’t have a phone. Apparently we’re the anomaly. (That said, we do have a spare house phone the kids can use if they’re home and we’re out… they can get online with it, but they can only text us and family, and there’s no social media on it.)
Being without a phone and social media has helped our daughter avoid so much school drama. She hasn’t lost time either. She already has ADHD and anxiety and sees a counselor multiple times a month; she used to see her weekly. I know that keeping the phone and technology away from her has been helping her so much by keeping her life (slightly) simpler.
Life can be so much more challenging when you have technology and social media. I see what it does to me at 46. I scroll Instagram and Facebook and often think I am not think I am not enough. I am not as good of a photographer as those in my photo circle. I see fitness reels and think about how I don’t work out enough and that I’m not thin enough. I see doctors talking about what to eat and how to parent and think I’m doing less than I need to. I see others’ houses and decor and think about how my house isn’t clean enough or how my house doesn’t look nice enough. I see people out doing things and think about how my family isn’t as active… and I feel bad for wanting to stay at home reading or for needing to do work. I watch myself transform and think about how I am not as happy as those people in my feed. I compare myself to them, thinking I am “less than”, and I do not celebrate myself. Often these thoughts are subliminal or happen so quickly that I don’t even realize I am thinking of them. For me, social media is rarely used for genuine connection, for appreciation of art, or for fostering friendships and relationships as much as it could be, as it should be.
Because of this, I don’t want my daughter to get online quite yet and to feel “less than”. I don’t want her to see who is hanging out with whom, who is doing what with who. I have felt that sadness of not being included, and I’m relatively okay with myself and think I have decent self esteem. Despite this and despite being decades older, my first reaction sometimes when I see a group of moms together is, “Oh, I’m not cool enough to be part of that group” or if I see them with their kids, “Oh, they don’t like my kid; that’s why we were not invited.” When I see posts like that, they make me feel “less than”, they push me inward, keeping me guarded with those people; they keep me from reaching out and engaging with others.
If I feel like this at 46, how would I feel if I saw those things at 13?
I know that technology can be a tool for good, but it takes away so much from us, too. It drains; it takes us away from the realness of our lives. It creates constant noise in our thoughts. It takes away our time. Sometimes, it fills our heads and minds with negativity thoughts, impacting much of our life and of our self esteem.
So as a gift to myself for 2025, the phone is pushed away at bedtime. And maybe I’ll really try to stop carrying it around the house… so that means friends and family, don’t be frustrated if I don’t instantly reply to a text. If I want my phone, I will have to really be intentional. I am going to stop feeling bored, thinking, “I should scroll, play that game, check in online, go on social media just one more time.”
We’ll see how this goes, but I’m hoping unplugging allows me to live a more Ignatian lifestyle. I’m hoping I can connect more with my family, reflect more on my life, accomplish more of my goals, and even sleep better. I’m hoping it gives me time for the relationships around me with my family, allows me to spend time with real friends, and even allows me more time for God.
So fingers crossed I can break the addiction; who wants to join me?
